Close to becoming the first manager to fall off his team’s victory parade bus

Careful now. Photograph: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock


More than half a million people are estimated to have lined the streets of Liverpool (population: 552,000) on Sunday to welcome home Jürgen Klopp and his team of Big Cup winners after their win over Tottenham Hotspur in Madrid on Saturday night. To put that in context, a comparatively paltry 250,000 protestors are expected to converge on the streets of London (population: eight million) to ridicule, mock and barrack the obnoxious, lying, narcissist Donald Trump on his official visit to the UK. While the Fiver’s not so good at sums, even we can tell this proves a hell of a lot more UK citizens chose to turn up to show their appreciation for Klopp and his players than can be bothered to demonstrate their contempt for the current president of the USA. And when you consider just how deeply unpopular that particular whinging, narcissistic man-baby is, you’ve got to say Liverpool’s win has been very well received indeed.

While POTUS whiled away the minutes between touching down in Airforce One and stepping on to the tarmac firing off angry, abusive tweets about the Mayor of London and CNN, Klopp appeared to make better use of his time when Big Cup VI was winging its way from Madrid to Merseyside. Over-served and well refreshed, the Liverpool manager will probably forgive The Fiver for suggesting he may have been completely paralytic by the time the victory parade got under way and sat giggling to himself, swigging from a bottle of lager, singing Salt-N-Pepa songs and coming perilously close to becoming the first manager in football history to meet a grisly end by falling off the top deck of his own team’s open-top victory parade bus. “I cannot really describe it because I cried a little bit as well because it’s so overwhelming what the people are doing,” said a tired and very emotional Klopp. “When you have a direct eye contact and you see how much it means to them that’s touching to be honest. It’s brilliant.”

Meanwhile in the Spurs camp, things were more melancholy although their likeable manager was as gracious in defeat as the aforementioned American president is ungracious in … well, everything. “It is so painful but at the same time we have to be calm and be proud,” he said. “I want to congratulate Liverpool too. They did a fantastic season. You want to experience this again and repeat it. It is the best game in the world after the World Cup.” The biggest, maybe, but while Liverpool fans won’t care, the decidedly dreary spectacle that unfolded on the pitch on Madrid on Saturday certainly couldn’t be accused of being anywhere near the best.


“I’m sorry but he was over the hill” – Louis van Gaal gets his chat on with Big Website about Wayne Rooney, Manchester United, Ole Gunnar Solskjær, José Mourinho and … well, let’s just say he’s getting quite a lot off his chest here.

Basically, Luke Shaw, David de Gea and that sax player are the only ones getting out alive. Photograph: Chris de Bode/The Guardian

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